Let me remind LA Idiot readers, old and new, my two stories about girls I call Vicky I and Vicky II. They’re both worth a read, but let me summarize them for you. I met each Vicky about 5 years apart. Both girls were (still are) breathtakingly beautiful, we laughed a lot, enjoyed each other’s company, and I had a very close and special relationship with each girl. I was head over heels with both of them, they were the type of girls I wanted to date. Except they saw me as a friend, not a boyfriend.

I had agonizing emotional pain from both girls because my heart was in a place theirs was not. I tried to win each girl over for months. I thought being fun and sweet might eventually win them over. Nope. I eventually had to completely remove both girls from my life all together because I couldn’t just be friends with them anymore. And it pains me to think that Elliptical Girl could be similar to the two Vickys.

Why do I think Elliptical Girl is similar to Vicky I and Vicky II? First of all, she’s as “out of my league” hot as Vicky I and II. Second, I get the same, indescribable feeling inside with her as I did with Vicky I and II. And that feeling is extremely rare for me. Third, she’s dating someone *(Vicky I and II were either dating someone bad for them, or still hung up on someone bad for them). Writing that out makes it seem eerily similar.

Now that I’ve identified a pattern and see similarities, I will proceed with a bit more caution. But not too much. Good things won’t happen if you’re not open to them. I’m going to keep talking to Elliptical Girl, gauge our conversations and see if there is any progress. My hands are tied until she’s single. That’s when we’ll find out if Elliptical Girl is someone for me or if she’s another painful, archived story in the book of LA Idiot.

*I may or may not have Facebook stalked Elliptical girl. She may or may not have changed her relationship status to “single”.

** Stalker me checked again and now it says she’s back in the relationship. Probably not a good sign for me.

I haven’t seen Elliptical Girl as often recently due to conflicting schedules. So when I have seen her, I’ve tried to talk to her a little bit more, get one bit of information every time we see each other. I haven’t seen EG all week, so I was really hoping to see her today. I decided to work in the courtyard, by the gym, to hopefully run into her. Well, being a stalker paid off. I saw her.

We had our usual hello, how’s the weather conversation and that seemed like that was the end of it, just like every other day. Except today, even though she was walking past me, she was lingering a bit more. To keep her around, I asked her how her acting was going. Perfect question. We then went into a really easy conversation about her acting and the crappy people of LA. We talked about the crappy people in LA and how people can become so jaded and you that you have to find genuine, good hearted people in LA. I added when you do find these people,  you need to hang on to them.  This conversation struck a cord with her and she voluntarily transitioned to talking about her boyfriend.

Elliptical Girl said that she met him in her acting class, which she admitted might not be a good idea since none of the relationships from the class have lasted. She said that he’s getting jaded by LA and that they’re having problems even though they haven’t been dating for a long time. On the outside I said something comforting, but on the inside I was jumping for joy (OMG OMG OMG!!!). Immediately after, she asked me if I was dating someone. I quickly said “No.” I said it so quickly I thought I had to recover to make it seem like I wasn’t a sad, lonely. My rational was to tell her that I had three dates in the last three weeks, thinking that would give her impression girls wanted to date me.  HUH? I quickly diverted the attention from three girls to one particular date I had last week.

I told her about taking a girl to the Dodger game and how I thought it would be a cheap date (because I got free tickets). I proceeded to describe parts of the date, mainly that this girl ordered a ton of food. By this time I was comfortable, smiling, and we were both laughing. Not the fake, obligatory type of laughs, but real laughs that make you bend at the waist. There was some sort of rapport, no question. Our conversation started to go all over the place, the type of conversation you have when there is no agenda and you’re just in the flow.

Elliptical Girl asked me about my business (which I had told her about weeks ago). I briefly talked about some things I was working on, but I guess I said, “I’m having a lot of fun with it.” She remarked that it was good that I was enjoying myself, which I think she found important after our conversation about jaded actors. This triggered talk about her website and how she needs to get it updated. She kept telling me she was having problems with it and she needed to talk to web designer about changing it (She didn’t ask me to help her). I said I’d take a look at it, she was sheepish about giving me the URL, but I coaxed it out of her. The reason why she was sheepish? Because she makes a living as a model. All her photos of her in bikinis and lingerie. Oh. My. God. I thought she was beautiful in her workout clothes and no makeup, but her photos are absolutely stunning. Nevermind her perfect body, when I look at her photos, I see that smile that greets me in the gym. The smile that makes me feel that the day was a success just because I saw her.

So it seems, the chapter on Elliptical Girl is not over.  We ended up talking for nearly 30 minutes. She told me her relationship was rocky, she asked if I was seeing someone, and we laughed a lot. Please LA Idiot readers, tell me, am I reading too much into my conversation with her? Or do you think I have a legitimate shot with Elliptical Girl? What’s my next move?

My apartment complex has a small gym.  Nothing fancy, two treadmills and two elliptical machines.  In my quest to be healthier I’ve been working out more.  The more hours I log in the gym, the more often I see certain people. One of these people just so happens to be a beautiful woman who I can’t stop thinking about.  I know nothing about this girl other than she’s a petitie blonde that smells like cocoa butter (which is heavenly).  For weeks we worked out in silence, not even acknowledging each other in the tiny gym.  Then one day I stumbled into conversation with her.  I gave up my elliptical machine to her.

Through our quiet workouts, I was able to ascertain that she hated the treadmill and would wait for an elliptical machine.  As a man, I hate elliptical machines.  I don’t think they give you a workout, but they make you think you worked out.  So that day, I didn’t feel like working out so I went on the elliptical machine.  I was on the machine for 2 minutes before Elliptical girl showed up.  I turned around and there she was, looking dejected because both machines were in use.  Without hesitation I stepped down and said, “Here, take my machine.  It’s probably best that I get on the treadmill.” We then shared an awkward transition and she thanked me and we went about our workouts.  As I left the gym, she gave me a big wave and smile.  Totally worth giving up machine.  Elliptical Girl knows I’m alive! Woohoo!

Being the stalker that I am, I recounted the days that I saw Elliptical Girl at the gym.  I realized there was a pattern and she usually worked out midday.  Therefore, I’ve only worked out during my lunch hour since then.  And because I thought it would be weird giving up my machine to her again, I have only gone running on the treadmill since then.  My plan actually worked. I started seeing Elliptical Girl more often and we would exchange waves and smiles when we’d see each other.  Alas, no talking, so I was still without her name.

One day last week  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I had to talk to her.  But talking in the gym with headphones can be awkward.  So I had to devise a plan.  That day a gift from the sky fell on my lap.  I finished my workout and took my dog for a walk.  As I came back inside I saw Elliptical Girl getting on the machine!  I figured I had about 45 minutes before she was done.  I took a shower and put on a clean shirt and took my laptop downstairs and started working in the public courtyard…the same courtyard she would have to pass to get to the elevator!  BINGO!

Just as I planned, approximately 45 minutes later, Elliptical Girl walked by.  I looked up, our eyes locked and smiled.  I quickly took off my headphones and awkwardly said, “Hey, I see you in the gym all the time, what’s your name?”

Her response?

“Hey, I’m LA Idiot.”

I then smiled and said, “That’s my name too.  I’m the male version of LA Idiot. Nice to meet you LA Idiot.”

Elliptical Girl: I’ve been meaning to get your name too.  It’s just awkward with our headphones and music.”

LA Idiot: Yea, I know what you mean.

Now I knew her name and she couldn’t forget my name either because we shared the same name. Success!  My next step was to find out whether or not she had a boyfriend!

The next day, as a stalker would, I went to the gym when I thought she would be there.  Nope.  Disappointed, I finished my workout and went to shower.  I came back downstairs to go to the store.  As I walked outside I saw Elliptical Girl… and a guy. They were sitting outside on the stoop in workout clothes, rather closely.  Panicked, I pulled out my phone pretending to be busy.  We exchanged pleasantries as I walked by and I could feel the hope fade from my body.  ”Could that have been her boyfriend?”

I concocted numerous stories in my head to make myself feel better.  I told myself he was her gay friend and that’s why they were so close.  Yes, I know that sounds stupid, but with little hope, I was grasping at thin air to keep my dream alive that I could one day take Elliptical Girl out on a date. I decided that next time I see Elliptical Girl I would talk to her about hiking in Runyon Canyon (where I assumed she was coming from when I saw her with this guu).  It would be a perfect segway to find out who the guy she was with was.

The next day, like clockwork, I saw her at the gym.  We waved hello and went about our business.  As “luck” would have it, our workouts ended at the same time.  I went over to get a wipe for my treadmill, which just so happened to be the area that Elliptical Girl was stretching.  We went right into hello, how are you…it was great.  Feeling good I brought up seeing her the other day on the stoop and asked if she went for a hike at Runyon Canyon.  And THAT’S when it happened.

“That was my boyfriend, his car was towed so we never made it to Runyon Canyon.”

Bummer.  And I’m not talking about his car.

Just like that, the story of Elliptical Girl comes to an abrupt and unfortunate end.

Because my followers are awesome, I received a bevy of responses:

Because of @brandyinboise I felt compelled to share this in a blog post to everyone:

The real question is, “What is my sock situation?”

I must admit I prefer to have my socks off.  Is that always the case?  No.  Embarrassing I know!  Like @ginntastic said, sometimes there is no time to take them off.  But what is the real reason why I posed this question?

The other day, I had this encounter with a woman.  Boy meets girl, girl falls for boy’s charm.  They decide that they should skinny dip in the bed.  All standard stuff.  Except, instead of frantically making out on the way to the bedroom, ripping off clothes like you see in the movies, she went to the bathroom and washed up.  She came out in nothing but one of my tee shirts (I guess that’s the other classic movie scenario).  Score.  Then, she went to my bed and laid down on one side, under the covers like she was going to bed.  I joined in like I was going to bed, in my shorts and a tee…and my socks.

From there….well….things happened.  Adult things.  Clothing was removed things.  In the middle of the these things, she stopped and asked, “Are your socks still on?”  Embarrassed, I stopped, stripped of my socks and continued.  It didn’t ruin the moment, it was funny. But it got me thinking.

Do you wear your socks when you’re having sexy time?

Add your two cents in the comments.  If you want to laugh at me for wearing my socks by accident, you can do that too.  Since this is the first post where I actually talk about a sexual experience of mine (I have made a point not to) and you want me to stop writing about sexy time, comment below.

Time Line: Tester vs. Investor

Simply put – a Tester prefers to date multiple men simultaneously, and an Investor is VERY uncomfortable doing so and prefers to focus all of her efforts on one single guy.  You could say that a Tester can be attracted to many guys at once, but an Investor is not.  The Test / Invest element is the most fluid and most easily able to change of the three character dimensions. It can change gradually with age, but also depends on her individual dating experiences.

Tester:

It’s all about emotional diversification. She doesn’t want to put all of her eggs in one basket. Most likely it comes from being hurt in the past – romantically.  So she tests. She keeps men on the side. She flirts heavily and leads guys on.
What’s important is the understanding behind WHY she does these things. Many people think that women date many guys at the same time in order to figure out which one is the PERFECT guy.  And they’re wrong.  In fact the Tester does NOT really even CARE about finding ONE perfect guy. She is getting the total package by getting certain types of value and emotions from the combination of guys.  If they are young, they are simply thinking “I’m just having fun for a few years and then I’ll find someone to settle down with later.”  Surprisingly, within those few years, even if they find that perfect one, they might still date others who are not as good as him.

I’m going to generalize a little bit – and this isn’t the case 100% of the time, but in general a Tester has suffered some kind of romantic loss where she has felt cheated and betrayed by a guy in the past.  A TESTER dates multiple guys to feel significance – to be validated as a desirable, attractive woman. And this is VERY important to women.  One of the girls who I met doing this actually dropped out of college for a YEAR and is now a year behind so she could move into the city and SERIOUSLY date men full time – and on average was dating 8 guys at once – all of which were completely clueless. She would treat all 8 of them pretty well – so they all thought they were the only one.

Investor:

So while a Tester is indifferent to really finding that one “perfect guy” an Investor DOES have getting the perfect guy in the back of her mind.

However – it’s not that she finds the perfect guy and then decides to stick with him – it’s that she is trying to FIX him. She sees that he has potential. The guy has POTENTIAL to be perfect for her. And that is what keeps her devoted to him.
She will usually have ONE THING she is trying to “change” so that he becomes perfect for her. But here’s the kicker – once she does get him to change that one thing – her interest usually goes right down the tubes.Because for her – the feeling of having something to work on, something to “fix” is what keeps her interested and attracted. That will play heavily into our in depth strategies for attracting an Investor.

Investors make GREAT girlfriends – that much is true. And well, Testers can be a lot of fun, but if you want to change them into an Investor, that is going to take a different strategy – which we’ll discuss later in the program.
What’s even more interesting is that an Investor will stay with a guy until she is CONVINCED he is not the one. The key word – being convinced. She usually has to be convinced BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT that he is not the one. And if she is convinced, she will move on to the next guy, sometimes with a testing small phase of in between them.
An Investor has also suffered some kind of romantic loss – but does NOT feel cheated or betrayed – either she had to move away from a guy she really loved, or lost him in some other way – OR and this is a big one – blames HERSELF for the loss.

What Do I Need?

I definitely need an Investor.  I need fixing ladies.  I need one girl to stick with me and work with and see the good.  Yes, there is the possibility that she may leave once I’m fixed…but let’s be honest, that’s never happening.  I have a ton of good things going on for me, but I have a mountain of flaws that a woman could fix.  I say that partly in jest, but it also holds some truth.  However you take it, I feel I am most compatible with an Investor.  For those who have read this blog before, do you agree?  Disagree? Why or why not?  Next Monday we’ll go over the next phase of Pandora’s Box.

This is probably a fundamental thought in many people’s minds, but it’s just dawning on me.  I know, short bus right?  But really, my professional life is finally starting to take hold, why?  I know what I want.  You can’t go after something you can’t envision.  I have to translate this mentality to my dating life.

I am on a dating hiatus.  I am not breaking that right now.  However, while I step back, I will think long and hard as to what I want in a woman and a relationship.  What personality traits complement mine?  What am I ready for emotionally?  What type of relationship am I looking for?  When I can answer these questions, I will be much more prepared to enter the dating world again.

Until I’m ready to start dating again, I will continue my march on towards being a successful entrepreneur.

As much as I’d love to find someone, the timing is not right.  Anyone that I try to date right now would get the raw end of a deal.  I could romanticize a scenario where I meet the love of my life, where all my apprehensions of commitment dissolve, and I grow old with the woman of my dreams.  But the reality is, any woman in my life ultimately would come in at #2.  Maybe it’s sad, maybe it’s pathetic, but it’s the cold hard truth.

I will continue to fight the unglamorous fight that is an entrepreneur.  I will look to stay one step ahead of my next bill cycle and slowly build this company.  I’ll continue to hope for the best romantic scenario in the end, but I have one goal right now and that is to build a successful company.  In order to do so, I must abandon dating in the short term.

I’m just in a weird place personally. I can’t even remember the last time I hit on a girl.  I stopped talking to girls randomly.  I’m like a mute who walks around the world in his own little world.  So many things on my mind…women are not one of them. ~sigh~

My business is turning a corner.  We’ve landed a few more clients and we have a few more lined up.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I need to hone it right now, get over this hump, so I don’t have to worry about small expenses.  Therefore, women are not on my radar.

*Plus my business partner is a woman, so technically I’m in a relationship.  Seriously.

I’m stressed about everything.  I’ve never been so broke in my life.  I’ve become a recluse, choosing not to be social.  I don’t want to be around people who have their lives in order and are happy.  I know that sounds ridiculous because I’m doing what I love and have always dreamed, but it’s the stupid truth.

I really need to thank everyone who reads this blog and follows me on Twitter.  It may sound lame, but everyone who connects with me online really lifts my spirits.  For brief moments, I don’t feel alone.  Your words of encouragement do more than you think.  I can’t describe it any more eloquently, but I’m very grateful.

I’d especially like to thank a close friend of mine with a brief, personal note:

You don’t really understand what I do, but that doesn’t stop you from lending an ear whenever I need one.  You keeps me sane and remind me that I’m not a failure, but a dreamer.  I love you.  Whatever success I have in my life, there is no doubt you will have something to do with it.  I cannot thank you enough for what you do for me.  Besos.

I know my hard work, persistance, and patience will pay off in the end.  I just have to keep my head up and continue to show up.  One day all my dreams will come true and everything will be ok.

Click here to view the embedded video.

If you read my last post, you know that I can find women to date, but often times they’re the wrong.  I will concede, that I’m probably not the best judge of women.  Maybe it’s self sabotage?  I don’t know.  Let’s have some group therapy and see what my deal is.  Maybe this way I can find a match?

What am I attracted to?  Typically I go for short, tan, brunettes.  Scratch that, I’m attracted to short, tan brunettes.  I go for any woman who is beautiful.  The women I’ve been with and dated in the past year have ranged in age, race, height, and weight.  Really, I run the gamut.  However, judging by my Top Celebrity Crush list, I do have a thing for brunettes.

"Let's Take Over the World before Dinner."

Personality.  The real connector between souls.  Except I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for.  I recently told a friend the only  adjective I want my friends to describe my girlfriend as is “awesome.”  So what do I find “awesome” in a woman?  The first thing is a sense of humor.  I know everyone says this, but this is very  important in my scenario.  Now, I’m not saying the girl has to be a comedian, but she has to have a sense of humor that has a high tolerance for idiocracy.  I chose my moniker because I really am an idiot.  There really is no better word to describe me.  Ask @freeandflawed.  She knows.  It takes a special woman to tolerate me for prolonged periods of time.

Adventurous.  I’m attracted to girls who are well traveled, who want to travel, and are up for anything.  I’m not saying she has to have a desire to eat balut or climb Mt. Everest, but she has to have an adventurous bone.  Sitting on the couch and watching Netflix is cool, but not all the time.  I need to find a fellow urban explorer.

Lastly, I think any girl who I date has to be smart and morally sound.  Maybe these are standard and I shouldn’t have state them, but I like dating women who are smarter than me.  They need to have a better head on their shoulder than I do.

Now that you know qualities I look for in a woman, you should know there are two distinct types of women I’m attracted to.  The first is the Type A personality.  The power woman.  She wants to be as successful in her career as I do.  The other is the hippie.  The free spirited woman who has no idea what I do for a living.  She is hellbent on making the world a better place.  Pretty contrasting personalities.  Which one do I connect with better?

That’s tough.  Somedays I think it’s the girl who wants to take over the world with me.  We can support each other emotionally

My possible Hippie Lover?

through our quests to reach the pinnacles of our chosen professions.  Other days I think I need that girl who has no idea what I do.  She’s more concerned with loving me and improving the world anyway possible.  I’m torn and I guess more dating is the only way for me to figure this out.

Bottom line, I need to be more selective with the women that I go on dates with.  I’m not Mark Zuckerberg, I don’t have pockets full of cash to take anyone out on a date.  From now on, I’m not taking a girl out just because I can or I want to see how things might turn out.  If I’m going to take out a girl, I have to have crazy butterflies in my stomach when I think of her, a la #MobyDick.

Emma Watson

(Indicates last ranking)

1) Natalie Portman (1): Still my ultimate celebrity crush.  I’m still in love with her even though she’s knocked up and engaged.

2) Emma Watson (NR):  Emma Watson makes an extremely high debut on the list because of my new found love of Harry Potter.  Seriously though, she is a natural beauty with an accent that can charm any curmudgeon.

3) Anne Hathaway (2): I think she gets sexier as her roles get less fluffy.  Always a good sign.

4) Zooey Deschanel (3): I recently watched (500) Days of Summer again and fell in love all over again.

5) Alison Brie (4): My recent Mad Men binge did nothing but reinforce this petite crush.

6) Anjelah Johnson (6): Still hot and still hilarious.  Still in my Top 10.

7) Tina Fey (7): As long as 30 Rocks is awesome, her age won’t work against her.

Lea Michele

8 ) Kristen Wiig (8): Despite that fact I saw MacGruber, Kristen Wiig still makes the list.

9) Lea Michele (NR):  Her booming voice and banging body catapult her into the Top 10.

10) Christina Ricci (10): Nostalgia is keeping her in the Top 10…barely.

Honorable Mention:

Emmanuelle Chriqui: I know I’m crazy for dropping her from my list, but the reality is, I’d never approach a girl that looks like her.  Too gorgeous.

Isla Fisher:  Isla drops from the Top 10 not because of declining beauty of talent, but rather my strong love affair for brunettes.

Mila Kunis: Mila Kunis is exotic.  She is utterly beautiful.  She’d be perfect if there wasn’t an extended relationship with Macaulay Culkin on her resume.  Thus she can’t break the Top 10 yet.

Stephanie Szostak: You may not recognize her name, but she’s an international beauty.  Only good think about Dinner for Schmucks.

Naya Rivera:  I know she plays the hottie cheerleader on Glee, but I think she’s seriously underrated.

Lacey Chabert: She’s still beautiful, but still not in the top 10.  What has she acted in lately?

Dropped from List:

Jennifer Love Hewitt: She just can’t hack it with me anymore.  She’s beautiful, but this list is more about beauty.